I’d rather die alone than spend my life with someone I’m not 100% convinced I love completely. There is no half-assing love; I’ve done that far too long. For almost half my life, I’ve ignored the little voice deep within me that questions..the voice that itches in the back of my brain, nudging me to … More I’d Rather Die Alone…
Sometimes, I feel like the universe’s bitch. It lures me in and seduces me, then it holds me down and beats the shit out of me. A cycle I can’t seem to break out of, I fall for it every time. I’ve often wondered how in the hell I’ve retained even one shred of compassion … More When it Rains…
My heart has been battered and bruised, beyond recognition. I’ve longed for love, since before I can remember. I’ve given all of myself and gotten nothing in return. Those that brought me into this world loved me the least. I’ve been scarred with their lack of love. What’s left is a constant struggle to prove … More Given Up
An empty paper bag, crumpled and blown away. My insides hollow. Wandering aimlessly, the void inside of me propels me forward, though I have no clear destination. Destined to search forever, for something I’ve no idea of.
Looking back, falling forward. Holding on, letting go. Cycles repeat like seasons, Changing while staying the same. I know I’m different-I feel a change deep within me. But..am I different ENOUGH? An internal battle I thought I had the upper hand in, now feels like I’m losing my grip. Lifes’ weight on my shoulders with … More Breathing gets Harder…
You twist the dagger in my belly so politely. You break my neck in the most cordial way. You smile so calmly as you hold my head under water. You seem so relaxed, sitting back while you watch me suffer a slow and painful death. What a polite murder this is. Won’t people appreciate how … More Polite Murder
I’d love to hate you, but I don’t. I wish I could leave you, but I won’t. Despite your best efforts to force me away with the indignities you’ve made me endure, I love you. Not out of weakness, nor out of inability to find a replacement, but out of a deep belief in the … More I’d Love to Hate You
So lately, I’ve been reflecting on who I am. I’ve felt I lost myself a few times in my life, and this is one of those times. I’ve been lost for quite some time, now. I feel like an empty vessel who’s contents are being kept in a dusty mason jar in a dark closet … More Ressurecting the Self.
You can’t expect me to maintain emotional stability when you ignore and neglect me for months while I struggle to keep this relationship from disintegrating. I put in 110% effort into making you happy and trying to work on myself while doing so. You blame your inaction and lackluster performance as a partner on your … More I’ve got Thin Skin and an Inelastic Heart.
Lately I’ve found that my grip on sanity has become more and more tenuous. Maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but I’ve felt the need to get things on paper, or in this case, on a blog no one will likely ever read besides me. I hate writing in diaries, mostly because I’m not … More Insane in the Membrane
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